I’m glad you asked me what I want, because sometimes I forget to ask myself that question. We can get into a rut where we’re completely focused on all the shit we have to do that we forget why we’re doing it (or that we should be doing something else). Once I thought about it, I realized I want a lot of things.
I want to improve as a person. I want to keep expanding my comfort zone. I want to get more comfortable with failing and rejection. I often avoid or ignore opportunities because I’m afraid one of those things might happen. Sometimes, I even throw away my ideas without considering them thoroughly enough because I fear they’ll go nowhere.
I want to develop more self-discipline and a stronger internal drive. I find it difficult to get motivated when other people aren’t expecting me to do things; that’s not to say I don’t work hard, but I struggle with the work I need to be doing for myself – searching for jobs and internships, personal writing, figuring out what I want.
I want to procrastinate less. I never finish things early, so I’m always scrambling put out fires and not preparing for the future.
I also want to learn how to be a journalist. I’ve written for newspapers for five years, yet I’ve never written a news or feature story. Even if I never become a journalist, it’s a valuable skill to have. More broadly, I want to become a better researcher, not just for my academic career, but so that I can market myself to future employers and write something meaningful and valuable.
I’d like to work for something greater than myself. Whatever that something is, I want to be an essential part of it, and I want it to benefit people. I want to use my natural talent for reconciliation to make a difference. Further, I want to contribute to and foster dialogue, rather than enflame it, but also have the courage to stand and fight when it would be easiest to sit on the sidelines; I want to be true to myself and keep building myself.
I want to be a good husband and father. I want to connect and I want to be happy.
Is that so much to ask?
What do you want, Dad?