Barbara Camarda, my beautiful wife

44 months ago, from out of nowhere, my beautiful wife Barbara was given a diagnosis of Stage IV-B endometrial cancer, high grade serous, with a 20% five-year survival rate. Just before COVID began, she underwent a complete hysterectomy. Then, with COVID raging outside, she began chemotherapy, followed by a combination immunotherapy/anti-angiogenesis regimen, then HER2 inhibitors, more chemotherapy, and antibody-drug conjugates.

She endured treatment-induced colitis, neuropathy, thyroid damage, four urinary stent procedures, two sets of radiation treatments in her spine, a C.diff infection with constant diarrhea, spinal surgery to relieve pressure caused by a growing tumor, extensive outpatient and inpatient physical and occupational therapy, and three further hospitalizations for infections. In 2023, she suffered unimaginable, searing pain, even with high opioid doses prescribed by pain management specialists that often left her sleepy and confused. She lost all mobility and became incontinent.

Through all of this, she carried a truly miraculous optimism, hope, and relentless determination. Nearly two years into her cancer treatments, she walked her son down the aisle to marry a wonderful new daughter-in-law. Thirty months in, she accompanied her husband to his graduate school commencement. She attended five more weddings, and made 11 trips to her beloved Belmar Beach. She spent long weekends in the Hudson Valley, Central Connecticut, and Bucks County, and walked Philadelphia from Penns Landing all the way to Rittenhouse Square. She visited lifelong friends, and made new ones. She joined support groups and book clubs, helped others along their own cancer journeys, and comforted and encouraged fellow patients facing their own setbacks.

Before and after she got sick, if Barbara knew you were having a tough time at work, or struggling with something your partner was doing or not doing, or worried about your kids, she would call you and ask how you were. Whether you needed to be talked down or pumped up, Barbara would do it. She didn’t just see the best in people: she could tell you exactly why you were so great, remember some forgotten detail about one of your best moments, and convince you that it was all going to be OK. 

Barbara remembered everything about you, because she truly listened to every word you told her, because she truly cared about you. She could help you solve any problem because she’d talked to so many people who’d already done it, and her solutions worked when Google’s didn’t. Thirty years a registered dietitian at Valley Hospital (and holder of our family’s first master’s degree), she helped people professionally just as she helped them 24x7x365 everywhere else. 

She always fought for more life, because she wanted to share more with the human beings around her. The most positive, guileless, and wholehearted person we’ve ever met, she made us all better, and modeled a truly wonderful way to walk through the world, every single day.

On the night of August 8th, in hospice, a few weeks past her 67th birthday, Barbara’s journey ended peacefully. We were able to hold her hands and tell her how much we loved her all the way to the end. We are heartbroken. Nobody who ever encountered Barbara will ever forget her. But she taught us how to live, and as hard as it will be, we can carry that into the world. If we somehow can do that, we’ll be better for it, and so will the world.

Some things you’re born knowing
Some you only learn from living
I miss a lot of them
But I picked up a few
I’m a little more patient
A little more understanding
I’m a whole lot better on account of you

–Mac McAnally, On Account of You

Arrangements:

We’ve just now completed most of the arrangements for Barbara’s visitation and funeral:

Visitation will be from 4-8 pm on Thursday, August 17, at Van Emburgh Sneider Pernice Funeral Home, 109 Darlington Avenue, Ramsey, NJ.

The funeral service will be held on Friday, August 18 at 11 am at First Presbyterian Church of Ramsey, 15 Shuart Lane, Ramsey, NJ.

Barbara’s burial will follow immediately at George Washington Memorial Park, 234 Paramus Road, Paramus, NJ 07652 (approximately 12:30 pm).

A luncheon will follow nearby.

In lieu of flowers:

As soon as Barbara was diagnosed, she embedded herself in online support communities of women facing similar challenges. Barbara shared her heart and smile and expertise, and continually benefited from everyone else’s love and insights. We quickly came to admire these women and these groups. So, in lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to Woman to Woman or SHARE.